Seven Years

Seven years ago I packed my belongings. The very little belongings I did have. Clothes, makeup, jewelry, books, a computer, blankets. The things I could fit into five brown pieces of luggage. That luggage would be shipped to a small Manhattan loft that I would be living in for the next couple of years. Two years in a large city that I never had been to in a loft that wasn't even mine. I applied for an internship at a high profile and popular public relations agency that was working towards expanding to large cities like Seattle, Dallas and Chicago. The internship required one chosen person to follow around the CEO of the PR agency learning the ropes, assisting in the expansion to the cities, traveling, begging, gopher(ing), graveling and more. It's not as though it was my dream career but it was my dream to become worldly. To get out of the small town I was living in and see what else was out there. To see what was past the four way stop and small town diner. Growing up in that small town was the epitome of country and simple life. Everybody knew everybody, hardly any crime and most love affairs and scandals were never kept quiet. It was beautiful, wonderful and terrifying. I didn't want to turn into a small town scandal or the bare foot pregnant housewife. There was a world out there waiting for me and I had to see it. I needed to see it.

My parents said they understood why I made the choice to go. I think they just said it to comfort themselves and convince themselves. It had nothing to do with an actual understanding of my choices or who I was or even who I am now. They respected me, at age fifteen, barely a freshman in high school they respected me. They knew that when I signed the application and mailed it off that I was dedicating the next four or more years of my life to a goal. Maybe they admired me. Heck, they could even been a little jealous of me. My siblings, all of them, got sucked into the small town life. I'm not sure they ever imagined going beyond the county borders or walking a hallway of a building larger than a barn. They stayed after high school, they made lives and they settled. My sister on the other hand had no choice but to settle. My only sister, my older sister, Makyla made the choice to become a parent at a young age. A very young age. The decision she made distorted her mind. She falsified reality. Made up everything in her mind, creating something that wasn't possible. Forcing herself and others to muddle through her pain and clean up her messes. Makyla was beautiful. Very beautiful. With long slender legs, curvy hips and torso, flowing golden blond hair and magnificent blue eyes. She was your typical Type A girl. Beautiful, funny and less witty than most. She dreamed of fashion, sequins, glitter and pink. She dated boys, lots of them until she found Dane. The father of Noah - my nephew. Dane didn't stick around during the pregnancy and came around Noah after he was born very, very little. He paid his child support, he sent his love but he lived his life and that meant without Makyla. Makyla was part of the beginning of my very first disappointment. She was a significant player in the past seven years and what begun the gloom that was lurking around. The tie that bonded us besides sisterhood was Jake.